"these are crazy crazy nights"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGgggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! I really hate my fucking job sometimes. For the last 3 nights theres been a crazy bloke in( and i mean a fucking nut buster) he kept trying to put poo under the door of his cell then put his clothes in the toilet and put them back on. And guess which lucky person had the erm........pleasure of speaking to him every 15 minutes for 10 hours. Yes, thats correct it was muggins here. I'm so glad i'm off til next wednesday.
Its my birthday on Monday(woohoo) but i'm really disappointed with a few people (not dan though coz he's organised something for the 30th so he's exempt from my wrath!) coz we were going to go out that night (aswell as the 30th) but no fucker seems to be able to come.In fact the only person who has said they'd defo be out on Monday (did i mention that its my birthday) is Sam who is very cool but i don't know her that well. So i'm abit torn ,should i go out with a couple of people or should i sack it off?.............Hmmmmmmm.
Oh yeah just to cheer me up more at the moment, work are being gay( i think i may of mentioned that I FUCKING HATE MY JOB!!!!!) and not letting me have the time off to go and see Peaches or Zombina. AND i never ended up going to Scotland coz everyone was ill. So i've been and am in the happiest mood i've ever been in (i'm may be being a tad sarcastic there).
I really am trying to think of something fun to say but i can't so i'm gonna end my rant now.
bye for now

Blinky The One Eyed Fish

Alwight peeps, hows it hanging? So, who all checked out my Myspace? Geeks! What did you think? Not that i really care coz i love my page. Told you i wouldn't leave it so long til i came back to annoy you all.
I'm getting all excited coz this time next week i'll be in bonny ol' Scotland! Yay! I can't wait( well actually i can wait for the 6 hour drive,but the rest will be tons of fun!). Oh and next month i am going to see Peaches!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw her at Leeds Festival t'other year and she was awsome. And if that wasn't enough, if i can get the time off work me and Sal are going to see my new favourite band, the totally awsome Zombina And The Skeletones (thats them in that picture) on 30th October. So much fun stuff happening, lucky ol' me. Plus its my birthday in 18 days, I'm gonna be an old codger,24 years old. Thats almost quater of a centuary.Man do i feel old when i say it like that.
Before i forget to mention, my little brother won 2 new goldfish at the fair on Sunday. He already has quite a few in his room. He has 2 big tanks, one has 4 or 5 older fish that are quite big now and the other has his little, young'uns in. As we were checking out his new fishies in their new home we noticed something weird about the biggest and oldest of his fish. One of his fucking eyes has vanished (when i say fucking eyes i don't mean he has special eyes that he uses just for fishy love making i was just swearing to emphasize the sickness). It now has one eye and one hole. Its really quite disgusting. He won't be pulling no lady fishes anytime soon now. God only knows where his eye has gone, Has it been eaten by another fish? Did it just shrivel up and vanish, perhaps one of the new fishes put a gypsy curse on him......(after all they did come from the gypo fun fair)who knows? Its just one of lifes little mysteries like where did I leave my broken pen lid, phone card, pen torch and my "are you good enough to go to heaven?" leaflet?(the answer is yes by the way. I am good enough. Well i think i am anyway).
Right then, it's been a pleasure as always and i'll speak to y'all soon
byeeeeeeeeeee

OOOOOOOOOh i almost forgot

I forgot to say( look at this. I havn't blogged for 3 months and then 2 posts in 30 minutes. What do they say about waiting for buses?) i have become totally addicted to Myspace and believe me my myspace is awsome. Check it out www.myspace.com/bakes321 . Personally i thinks its the greatest space ever but then its all stuff to do with me so i'm bound to be a tad biased.
Bye

What's The Story In Banchory...............

Hello, hello , hello....It's good to be back. I bet you all thought i'd died or something. Well i havn't( obviously or who the hell is writing this?) and i havn't been in a coma either. I'm not gonna go into too much detail about why its almost been 3 months since i blogged coz that would be boring (not that my rantings aren't boring anyway) but theres been shit at home, tons of work(i did 68 hours last week) and everything and everyone has been pissing me off. So there you go, thats why i havn't been around. Did anyone miss me?
Next up on my list of things is Banchory. Now a quick geography lesson for the not so bright people among us (i'm included in this catogory but i am shit hot at geography so ner ner!!!!) Banchory is a very small, very quiet town near Aberdeen(about 20 miles away). Banchory also happens to be where alot of my family live. It's my uncle's 50th birthday party about a week before my birthday and ton's of us are making the trek up there, its gonna be good. I'm stopping at my cousin's home, she's really cool. Probably the most similar person to me in my family.
Speaking of birthdys, its mine in a few weeks.24! fuck me sideways, i'm gonna be old. Dan is supposed to be organising a trip to preston on the 30th of September, (its a few days after my birthday but thats okay)so if you fancy coming, anyone! Let him know.
Oy yeah, i just went to see Snakes On A Plane earlier tonight.I fucking love that film and encourage everyone to get your ass to the cinema to see it.Its totally stupid,no brain needed and unintentionally hilarious but its one of the best films i've ever seen.I really want to go back and watch it again now. Apparently the cinema i watched it in is closing down tomorrow aswell. Thats well sad, theres so many cool memories at that place like going to watch the Little Mermaid(my first ever trip to das kino(a little bit of german there.See you learn stuff when i'm around!!),me, Cochers,Thorny and Dan going to see the re-release of Star Wars, me and Dan watching Bevis and Butthead Do America plus countless dates there(the most memorable was taking Eleanor Le Petit Pois(thats what Kaz and Dave called her, not her ctual name) to see The Exorcist).I'm really gonna miss that place and the new place won't be as good. Us small town, hick folks don't like change!
Oh before i go i have a quick question......how the fuck did the phrase "shit hot" come about coz if you think about it theres so many hotter things than poo. Me for instance or a fresh sausage roll from Greggs or a volcano?
Anyhows i wont leave it so long this time(i promise) cheerio

Put The Mouse Back In The House

Good morning or afternoon, whatever. Hows you all doing? First off all i'm a bit pissed off coz the computer mouse isn't working properly and the new one hasn't arrived yet,its well annoying( i almost swore then, thats how bad it is). I found some wasp hands on ebay,YAY!!!!!! The only problem is they only except Pay Pal(the bastards, is it bastards or basterds?Hhhmmm) and i hate Pay Pal so i will have to find some kind soul who will order them for me and i will give them the cash. Ooh that reminds me, next time i see Catherine i need to ask a couple of huge favours(actually they aint that big, you dont even have to leave the comfort off your home.You could if you wanted too but it isn't necessary), i need to ask before Wednesday though.Speaking of Wednesday, what a wicked day that promises to be. first i get Tuesday night payed to be off work then i have to do my OST refresher course( thats my fighting training for work) which is loads of fun except for they spray you with cs gas which is horrible stuff.Then when i get home i am going out to get very drunk with Matt and Catherine to celebrate the end off her exams, well done you. What else have i done recently,hhmmmmm. Ah i spent £31.50 just to piss kaz off(actually it wasn't just to piss him off that was just an added bonus). I got up tother day at 2p.m.ish(i wasn't being lazy i was working nights and didnt get to bed till 8a.m.)and decided to go to my favourite sports shop in Preston to buy the Mexico football top. mexico just happen to be playing Iran in the world cup(hence why me driving all that way for a mexico top annoyed the wee arab)so me and kaz have a £10 bet on the winner of that match.I'm watching that one with Kaz and Javad.Haha thats gonna be as funny as watching a camp man with no hands tring to climb up a greased up pole away from hungry, man eating crocodiles.How's that for a bit of imagery you english(the subject not the counry men)freaks!!!! I cant really leave without mentioning Big Bro(that would just be rude), i am ashamed to say that i'm addicted to it even though they are a bunch off knob heads. At the moment i hope either Pete or that manc nip win. I'm off to go and buy a kitkat so i can win a golden ticket and get into that house(i'd make ace tv), tatty bye x

Saturday nights alright for fighting

Hello, i'm still being a little slack with keeping up to date with my blog. Sorry(i must try harder!). First of all Saturday night is not all right for fighting(unless its for your right to party!), infact there is never a good time to fight. Hey i'm a lover not a fighter, what can i say. Right though, on saturday night me and Dave had been to watch the football(what a fucking game that was, Stevie G is a god!)in the pub then we were feeling peckish so thought we would go get pizza from Dominoes. We ordered then stood at the back of the shop, we had been there for less than a minute when some drunken wanker walks in ,takes one look at my Liverpool shirt and starts calling me a "scouse cunt". Now there were other people in the shop so Dave and I( for you punctuation and grammer freaks) thought rather than cause a scene we would leave and come back 20 minutes later when the food was ready. The tosser had other ideas and follwed us outside where he tried to kick me, seeing my oppertunity to make him look a bigger twat than he already was i caught his foot and pushed it up into the air causing him to fall on his back.I would have felt ever so smug but i fucked up my finger in the process and am typing this with the biggest bandage in the world on my hand. Turns out i have damaged the ligaments in my finger and my knuckle is now on the side of my finger. Thats another thing, how dissappointing was that fucking x-ray machine? I was expecting a big song and dance and all i got was a shitty little flash(not this lousy t-shirt, i paid good money for this). On another note, the hen party was awsome. I spent most of the night dancing with Sal(who might be moving back to Lancaster, fingers crossed) but i got on with all the bunny girls so thank you all for an awsome night. Lastly for today, 12:30 thursday for lunch sounds good to me Catherine and it must be my hair that makes me nice coz now that i have to style it again i've started being abit nicer to everyone. Oh, if i dont see you before good luck with your exams.Not that you'll need it, i'm sure you'll do awsome. bye everyone x

Return of the mac

YAAAAAAAY!!!!!! I'm back, did you miss me (as much as a hole in the head i bet)? I have no excuses for my blogging slackness recently i have just been too lazy after work. Not a great deal has happened to be honest except i have been chatting to a really cool girl from Norway who really liked my blog( hello Cat!). It has just been a typical working week. But i'm off work now till Thursday then i only have to work that day then i'm off till the Friday after, yay for me being a lazy cunt! I had quorn(did i spell that correctly?) sausages today, they were really good! Even better than real sausages, that was shocking. You veggie types are doing alright, most of you look malnourished but you do have tasty sausages so i will forgive your freakyness. While i'm talking about food.... Catherine, when can we go to the Whale Tail? I want to eat like a rabbit! I don't know if any of my friends have noticed this but over the last few weeks my sense of humor has become a little darker(if thats possible) and i have (jokingly) been taking the piss out of people (much more than usual) and some off it has been quite nasty. I'm saying this coz i feel a little apology may be in order to anyone who i have offended recently (especially Kaz, i know you aren't from really Turkey and i'm sure you aren't really the result of a split condom) and i shall try to rectify the problem so the lovable, cheeky chappie you all know and love will be back to normal(or normal for me anyway)soon. Right, just to change things slightly. I have decided that i hate my hair at the moment, shaving my long locks was the biggest mistake i ever made and my hair is growing far too slowly now! This is really grinding my gears now. One last thing before i go, two actually . First a blog Catherine introduced me to has returned (its not spam, YAY) i shall keep on reading the ramblings off little Jen (its great reading what people i dont know get up to with their lives). Secondly, i really want a wasp hand (and a wooly hat with a peak, but thats a different want for another time), what a wasp hand is is a yellow and black stripey arm warmer. I have looked all over the tinterweb for one but cant find one so if anyone knows where i can get one or wants to make me one let me know. Okay its 2a.m. & i am off to bed. byebye x

To play or not to play

Hello to you all. I'm feeling really tired today, still recovering from Sunday night. It was a pretty funny night though, kaz & dave had their usual falling out(Dave really needs to sort himself out or stop drinking coz its starting to get really annoying when he gets drunk then goes off in a huff)and Dan was just fucked. When we got back to Kaz's at 5ish he was lying on the bathroom floor and had been sick on the carpet. Well done Dan , good hussle! We went to Rileys at the end of the night with some random guy from Manchester, he was very cool & looked like a tramp or Alex Zane. I asked the bar man in Rileys for a hug and the nice guy gave me one (i also got hugs from 4 or 5 girls in there). I'm trying to decide wether or not i want to start playing rugby again, i do really want to but work is gonna mean i miss training or matches some weeks so i'm not sure what to do. I lost my bank card this morning ( i put it down to tiredness), i went to the bank and used my card to pay £280 on my credit card and then i put the card in my pocket coz i was planning on using it again 5 minutes later. I got to the petrol station put £30 of diesel in and when i went to pay i couldn't find my card( i had a proper blonde moment). Luckily my mum is the boss there and she paid for me. I went back to the bank and put a stop on my card then went home for my dinner (which was chilli and it was good although i may suffer a bit of ring sting later), while i was eating my mum rang and said she found my card on the floor next to the till (again i felt very blonde indeed). I'm back at work tomorrow(BOOOO!), why do my 4 days at work always feel longer than my 4 days off? Thats enough for me today bye